You might be “doing it wrong”…

The Value of Learning from Someone Who Has Been There

I will be the first to tell you that I am not an expert in ministry. I do things, and try to figure out what can work, mostly by finding out what does not from trying it.

Get a mentor in ministry. If you are a pastor or staff member, get a mentor. If you are serving as a volunteer in ministry, get a mentor.

I am not talking about paying big bucks to a coaching group. I am talking about finding someone in your circle or community who can teach you about ministry from the perspective of having been there and tried that.

Why Mentorship Matters

Ministry is one of the few professions where people are expected to figure it out on their own. You go to Bible college or seminary, you graduate, you get a job, and suddenly you are supposed to know how to counsel a grieving widow, manage a church budget, resolve a conflict between deacons, and preach a sermon that feeds the flock — all in the same week.

Nobody trains you for that. And the learning curve is brutal.

That is why mentorship matters. A good mentor can save you years of mistakes. They can help you avoid the pitfalls they fell into. They can encourage you when you want to quit. And they can tell you the truth when you need to hear it.

The Center for Transforming Engagement found that many pastors feel isolated and unsupported in their ministry (Clergy Burnout Report 2025). A mentor can break that isolation.

How Mentorship Happens

Mentorship does not have to be formal. It does not have to be a program. It can be as simple as a phone call, a cup of coffee, or a text message when things get hard.

Here is what I have learned about finding and being a mentor:

1. Look for someone who has been where you are. Not someone who has read about it. Someone who has lived it. Someone who has made the mistakes you are about to make and can help you avoid them.

2. Be honest about your struggles. Mentorship does not work if you pretend everything is fine. Your mentor needs to know what you are really facing — the doubts, the fears, the failures.

3. Listen more than you talk. The best mentoring conversations are where the mentee talks and the mentor listens. Ask questions. Share wisdom. But do not dominate the conversation.

4. Be willing to be mentored. Pride is the enemy of mentorship. If you think you have it all figured out, you will never learn. Stay humble. Stay teachable.

5. Pay it forward. Once you have been mentored, mentor someone else. The best way to honor your mentor is to become one.

The Mistakes I Have Made

I have made plenty of mistakes in ministry. Here are a few:

I have tried to do everything myself instead of delegating. I have avoided conflict until it became a crisis. I have neglected my family for the sake of the church. I have preached sermons I was not ready to preach. I have made decisions without praying about them.

Every one of those mistakes would have been less painful if I had a mentor to walk through them with me.

The Invitation

If you are a pastor or ministry leader and you do not have a mentor, find one. Today. Call someone you respect. Ask them to meet with you regularly. Be honest about where you are and what you need.

And if you are an experienced pastor, look around for someone younger in ministry who needs guidance. You do not have to be perfect. You just to be willing to share what you have learned.

Ministry is too hard to do alone. We were never meant to.

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Frequently Asked Questions

How do I find a mentor in ministry?

Start by identifying someone you respect — a pastor, a ministry leader, or a mature Christian who has experience in the areas where you need growth. Ask them if they would be willing to meet with you regularly. Be specific about what you are looking for.

What if I cannot find a mentor in my area?

Mentorship does not have to be in person. Phone calls, video chats, and even email exchanges can be effective. Look for mentors in your denomination, your region, or through organizations like MinistryPlace.net.

How often should I meet with my mentor?

It depends on your needs and schedules. Some people meet weekly, others monthly. The key is consistency. Regular check-ins are better than occasional marathon sessions.

What should I talk about with my mentor?

Anything that is on your mind. Sermon preparation, leadership challenges, personal struggles, family issues, theological questions. A good mentor is a sounding board, not just an advisor.

How do I become a mentor to others?

Start by being available. Let people know you are willing to listen and share. Be honest about your own struggles. And remember: you do not have to be perfect to be a mentor. You just have to be a few steps ahead.

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Brent Lacy has spent over 25 years in small-town and rural ministry. He has made plenty of mistakes and learned from every one of them. He is passionate about helping the next generation of pastors avoid the same pitfalls.